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jelynne in paper_tale

4am - Love (Sailor Moon)

I suppose it’s vaguely ironic to finally finish posting this series of character sketches with the very first of them that I ever wrote. Still, because it’s the first, it has a special place in my heart. Yes, I would have to say that in this 4am series Power is definitely my favourite of them, but this one, well, Love was the first. The one that all the rest came from.

So, there’s a certain pride of place for this piece, posted last, written first.




Series: Sailor Moon
Word Count: 634
Genre: Introspective
Rating: G
Spoilers: references to portions of the first season, but nothing really outright

I do not own Sailor Moon. If I did, it would still have a North American licence. (*not bitter, nope, not at all*)




always for her, always


4am - Love



I hate four in the morning.

Four in the morning is when Grandfather usually has to get up. And then his moving around wakes me up. I’ve never been able to sleep deeply.

Then grandfather goes back to bed, and I lie awake, hating four am. You want to know why I hate it? Because it makes me think that’s why. It makes me remember, makes me analyze.

o


Take this particular morning, for example. I can’t stop thinking about what happened yesterday. She almost died yesterday. She damn near died yesterday, just because she couldn’t let him go in there alone.

Yes, of course I’m angry. Why shouldn’t I be? She just keeps throwing herself into danger without a second thought. And if I lose her, I lose everything.

She was my first real friend. The first person who just wanted to know me. No hero-worship, and no strings attached. And she never drew away when she learned that I had ‘powers’. Until she came along, I never realized how lonely I was. I never want to be lonely again.

Looking back, I think that was the reason I went after him. I had just realized how empty my life was, and I wanted to fill it. And god, was he handsome! And there, and available, and all sorts of other things I can’t define. I knew he wasn’t really interested, that he was just humoring me, but I didn’t care. I thought I was in love with him.

I realized I was wrong, that day in the tower, though. I knew it when I looked at the two of them together. And all that love I thought I felt just crumbled up and blew away. The others never understood how I could give up my ‘claim’ on him so easily. Oh, I did worry about him. He’s almost like a brother to me. But the two of them, that’s magic.

And so she followed him into that building, knowing it was dangerous, knowing that she was placing herself in danger. For him. And the thing that really scares me is that if it had been me, she would have done exactly the same thing.

She’s always doing that sort of thing. Her heart’s big enough for the whole world. I can’t bear the way she’s always throwing herself into danger, just so she can save complete strangers.

I would die for her. I have died for her. And I would do it again.

And I don’t ever want her to be in danger again.

o


If it were up to me, I’d just lock her in a tower - like Rapunzel - and never let her out. I’d take on the whole world to make sure she’d never be threatened again.

But I can’t do that. She’d never let me. She won’t even let me get in danger for her.

I demanded. I insisted. I argued. I tried to get her to see how much better it would be if she would let me be the front person. To let me be the target, instead of her. But she never understood. She always thought I was trying to grab control, trying to be better than her.

It wasn’t like that at all. Eventually I stopped trying.

o


I know she’s never going to change. I know that she’s just going to keep throwing herself into danger, again and again. She dances under Damocles’ sword. But when it falls, I’m going to do my very best to see that it hits me, and not her.

It’s four in the morning, and I’ve made up my mind.

o


No matter what happens, no matter what enemy we face, no matter what becomes of me, I’ll keep her safe.

This is my chosen duty; I take it willingly.

No matter what.
.

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January 2012

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