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jelynne in paper_tale

If Anyone Salutes (Naruto)

I’ve been writing too much serious stuff lately. Actually, I think I’ve been writing nothing but serious stuff for many months.

Well, today that pattern is changing. ^.^V!

And why is that, you ask? Because I get weird fic ideas while doing the dishes, apparently. No, really. I pretty much wrote this whole thing in my head during one bout of dishwashing. Maybe I ought to leash my mind to keep it from wandering so, but that wouldn’t be any fun.

I haven’t read very many good stories written in/for the time period in Naruto before the incident at the bridge. Which is sad. So, this little wander through my less-than-serious side is set somewhere during that endless round of stupid new-genin missions fron right at the very beginning of the series. Yay!

Y’know, I was going to make excuses for this fic, but then I had a revelation. I don’t need to make excuses. Because at this point in the storyline, they’re children. They’re fresh out of school, they’ve never done a ‘real’ ninja mission, they’ve never set foot outside of Konoha, and nothing really has happened to them yet.

And they’re twelve. So very, very much of this fic is explained by the fact that they’re twelve.

Series: Naruto
Characters: Naruto, Sakura
Word Count: 532
Genre: Comedy
Rating: G
Spoilers: So long as you’ve seen say, two episodes (any two, it doesn’t matter which), or read most of a volume (preferably the first one, but meh), or heck, even know the basic set-up of the goings on, there are no spoilers here.

I still don’t own Naruto. If I did, this might have happened in the series for real. Honestly, I don’t know why it didn’t.

Today is really not a good day to be Naruto.

If Anyone Salutes

It was a gorgeous day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the wind was blowing - just enough, but not enough to be too much. And Naruto was standing in the middle of the street, looking remarkably like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck..

In his head, there were sirens and those weird ‘ahwooga ahwooga’ noises, and a few dozen teeny Narutos running around screaming and flailing their arms around crazily while yelling ‘Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!’. That last one he didn’t really get, but with a mental curl of his lip, he decided to blame it on the fox, as he did many of the stranger things that kept popping up in his head lately. Take that, furface.

But really, all that was entirely secondary, thirdidarly, fourthidarly, maybe even, god forbid, fifliary to that fact that, yes, that was Sakura stomping down the street, and yes, she’d seen him, and yes, ohgod, she was cracking her knuckles as she stormed straight towards him.

“Na-ru-to...” she snarled out slowly, and he knew he was doomed.

“S-s-sakura-chan!” he greeted, putting a hand up behind his head and attempting to smile in a way that didn’t let on that he had been too terrified to run while he had the chance. “What brings you to... urk”

Sakura, radiating rage so strongly that it was nearly visible, tightened her fist in the front of his jacket. When she spoke, her tone was strangely sweet, but every syllable was clipped with cutting sharpness. “What, exactly,” she inquired, “was my underwear doing flying from the flagpole on top of the Hokage tower this morning?” Though her tone had started sweet, by the time she had finished her question it had skirled upwards into something that was only barely more a shriek than a roar as she shook Naruto like a ragdoll.

“Ah... ehe...” Naruto managed, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. “Ah... That could have been any girls’... things!”

Sakura’s eyes narrowed. “And I suppose every girl in Konoha embroiders my name on their b... unmentionables.” She punctuated the end of her sentence with a sharp shake.

“Ne... maybe they just want to be like...” Naruto’s eyes nearly crossed. “...can’t breathe...”

Sakura was growling softly, but she did, at least, reduce the twist of her wrist. Naruto gulped air gratefully.

“I know whose underwear you ran up the highest flagpole in Konoha!” she snarled. She shook him again, for emphasis. “And why, Naruto, was my underwear flying over Konoha for all to see this morning? Well?” She drew back a fist, obviously ready to skip straight to a beating without actually waiting for him to try to come up with a plausible explanation.

Only the strength granted him by sheer panic saved Naruto from a fate close to death as he wrenched himself loose from her grip on his jacket with the sound of several popping stitches and took off down the street as fast as his legs could take him. Enraged, Sakura charged after him in hot pursuit.

“That was supposed to be Ino’s underwear up there!” she shrieked, waving her fist above her head as she ran.


^.^V! Just the reaction I was going for! Thank you!
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January 2012

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